As a gay bloke it’s sometimes assumed I have an innate knowledge of all LGBTQ+ identities, I don’t. I can even feel lost with the ‘G’ in LGBTQ+. Language evolves as people become more visible and talk about their identities. I have tripped up when using pronouns, referred to people by the name they were known as prior to transitioning, and countless other mortifying mistakes. I apologise when I get it wrong, correct my errors and vow not to repeat them. People are entitled to feel safe, comfortable, and able to be themselves, so I need to do better. I don’t want to become a diversity wrecking ball, so keep learning, unlearning, and questioning. Treating people with dignity and respect is core to nursing and is core to being a human.
I do love a chat. It’s my preferred way of learning. When encountering potential new knowledge my natural style is a cross between a four-year-old child constantly asking ‘Why?’ and an interrogator from an intelligence service. When speaking with people about their identity the conversation is better led by them, as it lessens the risk of me being uncomfortably intrusive. It is unreasonable to think everyone has their identity sorted out and can articulate it. I identify as a man; but I don’t think I could coherently explain what this actually means to me. It was the gender assigned to me at birth and I’ve just gone along with it and enjoyed the privileges without much thought, it feels comfortable. I also identify as gay, this was a less passive journey as society expected something different from me. I could fit in by being someone I wasn’t or seek belonging by being myself. I went for the latter, but it wasn’t always easy. People experience hate and abuse just for being themselves and that isn’t right.
Our identity is not made up of just one characteristic and belonging to a group or using a label to describe identity doesn’t mean we become drones within that group and lose our individuality. Being gay is an integral part of my identity, but isn’t something I find particularly unusual or interesting, or perhaps I’ve found it safer for this aspect of my identity to be less visible. My husband is the opposite, he would be thrilled if glitter cannons were fired as he enters a room to announce the arrival of his gay fabulousness. We identify as members of the same group, but we express this identity differently.
It is essential we care and support people in an inclusive manner and ensure people can be themselves. The seemingly ever-changing language can be daunting, but it really is as simple as being kind and understanding the needs and preferences of those we work with, support, and treat. I was trying to impress my husband with my extended LGBTQ+ vocabulary, he just looked at me and said, ‘It’s just about not being an ill-informed [unpleasant person].’ I can’t argue with that.
The RCN has produced a range of LGBTQ+ professional resources - Pride In Nursing.
